A Good Relationship

No one enters into a relationship saying they want it to be just ok. We all enter into relationships expecting them to be wonderful, we expect there to be love, romance, trust, and friendship – perfection. Unfortunately many of us also believe that good relationships just happen. The truth is that good and wonderful relationships are possible but it takes work in order to reach this level of nirvana in your relationship. I have had my share of failed relationships and there was always one thing in common. That one thing was ME. I am not taking total responsibility for my failed relationships in the past, but I realized that if I ever wanted to have a successful relationship I had to acknowledge my faults in those past relationships. I was not perfect, I had many flaws and I had to work on me first before I could reach my goal of having a great relationship. For me it took two failed marriages for me to realize that I had been a participant in the failure of those relationships.

The first step to attaining your dream relationship is working on you and ensuring that you possess the character traits and values that you want in your relationship. If you value integrity and honesty you have to be a person with integrity. You can’t be dishonest or keep secrets from you partner if you want integrity in your relationship. If you want your spouse to respect and honor you, you have practice respecting others and giving honor to those around you. This means learning how to treat others with respect. Relationships required give and take, things will not always go your way, but you have to learn the art of disagreeing peacefully.

Today I am blessed to be married to my best friend, we have had our share of challenges over the course of the past 15 years but we have both been committed to doing the work on ourselves so that we could have not only a good and wonderful relationship but I think it is nearly PERFECT.

Relationship Killer

What are some sure fire ways to “kill” your relationship?

Some people would say that infidelity should be at the top of that list, while others would say being controlling or being self-absorbed are at the top. Well there are some that are pretty easy to distinguish and will have immediate effects on your relationship while there are others that slowly eat away at the relationship causing a slow death if not caught and corrected in time.

Typically when we enter into a relationship we have a set of expectations that may or may not be fully expressed to the other person. For instance, you expect that person to be faithful, you expect them to be honest, and you expect them to be considerate.  Some woman expect the man to be the “bread winner” while others expect the man to be able to fix things
around the house.  Some men have the expectation that once they have children that their wives will stay home and raise the children or they may expect the wife their wife to work with them in their own business.  Whatever your expectations are – one sure fire way to slowly kill a relationship is to not communicate them clearly and regularly.

When we first enter into a relationship the expectations are not such a big deal, and you may be only focusing on the major ones like trust and honesty. But as time goes on and life begins to happen you realize that when you come home from work and he has been home all day and the sink is full of dishes and the clothes you washed are not put away, that you expected him to take care of that since he was home. Or he may expect that you won’t have a problem with him playing golf for 4-5 hours on Saturday even though you both worked all week and it leaves you to run to the grocery store and take the kids to ballet and football practice by yourself. In time when these types of expectations are not discussed they can lead to bitterness and resentment.  The way to avoid this is to talk – if you realize that your expectations have changed then let your partner know.  Don’t assume that he or she knows what you expect or that his or her expectations are the same as yours.  We all have different opinions and views on how things should be and that changes with time and may change over and over again depending on the stage of life we are in.

When my children were small it was expected for me to have dinner prepared every evening but now that they are grown my husband and I might grab a bite on the way home or eat a sandwich for dinner. Sometimes he even surprises me and cooks dinner for me. The expectation changed because our situation changed.  You may expect your husband to come home and help preparing dinner or helping the kids with their homework but he may still be operating under the expectation that you want him to give you your space after work to decompress.  It is easy to see how the simple lack of communication can lead to arguments.  In order to reduce this relationship killer the cure is to communicate.

Don’t expect your mate to read your mind,
tell them what you want and need and you may be pleasantly surprised at the results.