As a relationship coach I constantly hear woman complaining about him not doing this or not doing that. Very rarely do I have a woman meet with me and start the conversation telling me how she messed up and how she should do more of this and less of that. The reason is that it is always easier to blame someone else rather than look at ourselves. I can almost guarantee you that most relationship issues are not 100% one person’s fault. Now there are the few cases when that is true, but for the most part each has played a part in the problem. In relationships blaming can cause permanent damage.
If we are honest and take the time to look at most problems or challenges in a relationship we will be able to identify something we could have done or said better that could have helped to resolve the issue. A typical scenario that I encounter is when the husband has done something that did not please the wife and she does one of two things. Rather than talk about how what he did made her feel she begins to remind him of ALL the times that he has anything wrong or she decides she doesn’t want to talk about it and she then is going to make him “pay”. Ladies one of the worst things you can do is hold back the “cookies” as a form of discipline. For one your man is not a dog and the act of being intimate should not be used as a treat to get him to do what you want. Secondly, let’s be honest when you hold out you are depriving yourself as well. There are times when you may have to agree to disagree and then there are times when you have to weigh how important the issue really is. Is it going to kill you or destroy your relationship if he forgot to put gas in your car when he drove it? Or is it really worth your peace at home to fuss and argue about him not coming straight home from work after you had a very “heated discussion” earlier in the day?
I can see how in the first example by simply giving clear instructions could have eliminated the problem. Had she told that she needed him to make sure there was a half tank of gas for her when he brought the car back, he probably would have made sure to do this. Now I know you are saying why should I have to tell him this, he should no. Well it’s apparent that he didn’t know or he would have done it. Failing to clearly communicate is one of the ways most women contribute to issues in the relationships. Women tend to think men think like us but they don’t. It doesn’t make us better just different and if you remember this one thing it will save you many headaches. The second example is a clear example of how important it is to properly handle your emotions. In this situation his not coming straight home was a response to the “heated discussion”. No matter how valid an argument you may have it goes out the window when you allow your emotions to cause you to yell, scream, raise your voice, or whatever constitutes a “heated discussion”. The original issue gets lost in the emotions and now the issue is how you disrespected each other by talking to each other in this manner. Someone has to be the big girl or big boy and call for a “time out” when the discussion starts to get heated. Table the issue until you both have calmed down and can talk to each other in a respectable manner. You can choose to spend your time blaming your mate or you can use your power to set the tone for your relationship. If you create a warm and inviting environment your mate will be more likely to give you what you want – and at the end of the day that is all we really want. So rather than blame try to change your response even when they are wrong and see if the outcome changes. You may be pleasantly surprised.
#WeAllNeedSomeHelp 