Holiday season ahead

Have you ever started your day off on a good note and before you knew it there was this dark cloud looming over you.  For a person who suffers from depression this can occur daily, weekly, monthly or even seasonally.  As we approach the holiday season and most people are running around shopping and planning for the festivities there are others who can’t wait for the festivities to be over  due to anxiety or depression.

The holiday season is one of those seasons that can be a trigger for those dealing with depression. As families are coming together it can serve as a source for anxiety and depression.  The constant barrage of happy people in commercials and stores, along with the overly polite and joyous co-workers can serve as a catalyst which causes individuals to reevaluate their relationships and life. For a person who is unhappy with their current or past relationships or current station in life this reevaluation in the midst of all these happy people can lead to depression. The pressure to buy bigger and better gifts for everyone on your holiday list can lead to anxiety for those who may not have the financial means to meet everyone’s expectations.

The natural inclination when you are feeling depressed is to isolate yourself. This is also the most dangerous thing a person dealing with depression can do, especially during the holiday season.  If you are struggling with depression over the holiday season there are a few things that you can do to help you not only survive this season but to also find some enjoyment over the next couple of months.

1. Get outside, on those days when it is sunny even if it is a little brisk get out and take in some sunshine.  Exposure to light can significantly improve your mood.
2. Exercise, whether you are doing yoga or walking it is important to get at least 15 minutes of exercise a day. It will give you a positive mood and reduce depression as your body releases endorphins.
3. Don’t overeat or overdrink. Many tend to do both during the holidays but the after effects of both can lead to feelings of lethargy and regret which can cause you to withdraw from activities.
4. Talk to someone about how you are feeling. Whether it is one close friend, a counselor, or a support group, make an intentional effort to get the emotional support you need during this season.  REMEMBER people who don’t know what you are going through can’t help you.
5. Set realistic expectations for yourself during this holiday season.  Don’t try to keep up with the Jones’s. If you don’t have the finances to buy all your nieces and nephews Air Jordan’s but you are crafty bake them some homemade cookies, or not.
6. Enjoy time with family and friends. Take advantage of the time to reconnect or simply hang out. This season practice being thankful for the people you do have in your life rather than focusing on what you don’t have. You may be surprised to learn that most people simply want to spend time during the holidays.

Knowing the signs of depression is key in order to get help for yourself or for a loved one.  One of the most disheartening things I have heard from others suffering from depression is that those closest to them didn’t know that they were suffering from depression.  It is not always easy to share with others when you are feeling depressed and to get them to truly understand when it is more than having a low day. Here are signs to watch for to determine if you or a loved one may be suffering from depression.  Depressed mood, decreased interest or pleasure, significant weight change, change in sleep pattern, fatigue, loss of mental focus, feelings of worthlessness, and/or agitation/restlessness. If you or your loved one is suffering from five or more of these signs or is experiencing thoughts of harming themselves or others contact a medical professional immediately.

Family members need to know how to identify the signs and be available to support their loved ones.  I have been blessed to have a supportive family who know the signs of depression and recognize my triggers as well.  It is because of the support of my family that I have been able to learn to manage my depression and live a happy and productive life.  #DepressionIsREAL but it is manageable and you can not only survive with it but you can thrive.

Learn about my journey through a life of depression in my latest book “The Journey From Rejection to Significance” available on Amazon.com.

Shared from WordPress

Interesting take on Christianity. I’m tired of being a Christian – http://wp.me/p3R3U1-NL

When they walk away

I have had my share of dysfunctional relationships but I never understood why some people feel the need to beg people to stay with them.  It has been my experience that once a person leaves, whether emotionally or physically that they are gone and that there is nothing you can do to make them stay or come back. I recently have been coaching someone who has been faced with the person they had been in a relationship with for almost two years packing up and leaving after a seemingly simple matter.  As this person has struggled with trying to figure out what they did wrong I had to remind them that even though they made some mistakes they were able to humble themselves and apologize.  When you make a mistake and you apologize and are met with resistance and unforgiveness, know that you have done all you can to repair the situation.

Now I am not talking about if you have repeatedly cheated on the person or have been physically abusive to them and you keep saying you are sorry. In those cases they are within their rights to leave and should if there is no evidence of your changing.  But I am speaking about you leaving a door unlocked or not taking the trash out and they decide to stand their ground on this issue as the reason for them leaving.  Sometimes people are not bold enough to share how they really feel and will take advantage of the slightest infraction as their out.  When dealing with adults I like to believe that we should all be mature enough to talk about the things that bother and openly share our expectations in a relationship before they become the elephant in the room.  But that is in a perfect world.

Relationships take work and in order for it to successful communication is key.  Be honest with your partner about the things that bother you or needs that are not being met.  Treat them with the same level of respect you want to receive so that they will no how to treat you.  And lastly if you are mature enough to be involved in a relationship, act accordingly. Children respond in a childish manner and adults should respond as adults.  If they walk away let them go, begging and pleading with someone who is irrational will only cause you to become irrational.  If they aren’t willing to work through the issues you are better off without them in the long road. People show their true colors under stress and even the best relationships face up and downs, so count it as a blessing and live on.

A Mother’s True Blessing

I can remember it like it was yesterday. Who can believe that thirty years today I received such a blessing. At the time I was anxious and fearful because I was so young and was just getting used to being an adult. I was still a newlywed and now this new addition to our family was finally here. People always say once you give birth that you don’t remember the pain. Well I remember months of intense morning sickness or should I say all day sickness. I also remember being in labor, real hard labor, for almost 23 hours. But what I remember the most is the moment you entered this world and they placed you on my chest and I knew my life had changed forever.

Thirty years ago today God blessed me with my own personal angel. You have taught me how to love. You have taught me how to receive love. I’ve learned how to be patient, compassionate, and caring because of you. You showed me what unconditional love looks like and what it means to truly forgive the ones you love. I have watched you grow into not only a beautiful woman on the outside but also on the inside. You are focused and determined, which has allowed you to reach your goals in spite of the ups and downs. I am blessed to witness you become a loving wife and mother. Today I honor you on your birthday sweetie. I Thank God today and everyday for blessing me with my angel.  

Happy Birthday Shante’

Happy Mother’s Day

As I ran my errands this week I could not help but notice the rush on the mall, local drug stores, and cards stores as the last minute shoppers searched for the perfect gift for Mom on this hallowed day.  I have to admit that I have been guilty of waiting until the last minute myself but this year is different for me.  I have been blessed with the opportunity to live less than five minutes away from my parents and to be able to spend time with them almost daily.  When I was younger I can remember waiting for the day that I could get as far away from them as possible so that I could be free.

With age comes wisdom and an appreciation for my mother that I have to be honest that I lacked most of my life.  I took for granted that she would always be there and that no matter what I did or where I was that she would always be my mother.  As I have gotten older I have matured and my relationship with my mother has matured as well. For the first time in my life I can say that I have a solid relationship with my mom. She is my confidant, she is my friend, and as I have gotten to know her I realize that she is a pretty cool lady.

I have been blessed to have a great relationship with my children and have been able to develop a level of friendship with them in their adulthood.  It is encouraging to now share that same type of relationship with my mom.  As a mom I realize that no gift found on a shelf in any store will ever mean more to me than having a loving relationship with my children.

Take some time this weekend to spend some quality time with your mother, whether it is in person or via skype, tell her that you love and appreciate her. Honor her today and everyday for the many sacrifices she has made for you. Mother’s Day may be celebrated nationally on one day, but we should honor and cherish the woman who gave us life everyday.

Go ahead and give her the flowers, chocolates, and gifts you have for her but take a moment to simply tell her you love her and watch her glow with pride in the knowledge that she did okay as your Mom. 🙂

Happy Mother’s Day from Constant Relationship Coaching

Happy Mother’s Day

As I ran my errands this week I could not help but notice the rush on the mall, local drug stores, and cards stores as the last minute shoppers searched for the perfect gift for Mom on this hallowed day.  I have to admit that I have been guilty of waiting until the last minute myself but this year is different for me.  I have been blessed with the opportunity to live less than five minutes away from my parents and to be able to spend time with them almost daily.  When I was younger I can remember waiting for the day that I could get as far away from them as possible so that I could be free.

With age comes wisdom and an appreciation for my mother that I have to be honest that I lacked most of my life.  I took for granted that she would always be there and that no matter what I did or where I was that she would always be my mother.  As I have gotten older I have matured and my relationship with my mother has matured as well. For the first time in my life I can say that I have a solid relationship with my mom. She is my confidant, she is my friend, and as I have gotten to know her I realize that she is a pretty cool lady.

I have been blessed to have a great relationship with my children and have been able to develop a level of friendship with them in their adulthood.  It is encouraging to now share that same type of relationship with my mom.  As a mom I realize that no gift found on a shelf in any store will ever mean more to me than having a loving relationship with my children.

Take some time this weekend to spend some quality time with your mother, whether it is in person or via skype, tell her that you love and appreciate her. Honor her today and everyday for the many sacrifices she has made for you. Mother’s Day may be celebrated nationally on one day, but we should honor and cherish the woman who gave us life everyday.

Go ahead and give her the flowers, chocolates, and gifts you have for her but take a moment to simply tell her you love her and watch her glow with pride in the knowledge that she did okay as your Mom. 🙂

Happy Mother’s Day from Constant Relationship Coaching

Change

If you live life long enough you are certain to experience change. For some
people change creates anxiety and fear, while for others it is embraced
as an exciting new adventure. I used to be like many people and
experience fear and trepidation when faced with having to make a major
change in my life. As I have grown older and been faced with having to
adapt to and make many, many changes I have learned to accept change
as a healthy part of life.

 

When I was in my teens I had my life perfectly planned out but when life began to happen and I was faced with the reality that my perfect plan was not panning out it was hard for me to accept initially.

My first response to this change in my plan was to rebel and fight against it, but soon I realized that this was not beneficial. So I then began to adapt to change in an unhealthy manner by simply going along with things but never fully embracing the changes.  Unfortunately I dealt with change in this passive aggressive manner for years and it eventually led to bitterness and regret which caused me to blame others for the choices I had made.

Change can be a good thing when you look at it as an opportunity to grow, learn and experience new things.  Once I was able to look at change from this perspective I was able to open myself up to dream again and dare to embrace new things.  I have always been an orderly and detailed person that some may have considered to be a little anal, but welcoming change in my life has freed me from the restraints I had placed on myself and others.  Today I am proud to say that I am more daring and adventurous than ever.  I don’t fear change and welcome the opportunity to start over, I have lost my attachment to things and value my relationships above everything else. I welcome a challenge and am constantly looking to learn new things daily.

Life is a journey, you might as well enjoy it and take in all it has to offer.  Stop limiting yourself by living in a box, dare to accept and make a change in your normal routine.  Whether that means going back to school to pursue something you have always been interested in or starting a new hobby.  Life is too short to not live it, if you’re not happy with your current job find a new one or if you have always wanted to live in Arizona make a plan and move.  Not everyone will understand your new attitude but that is okay.

Whether you are changing jobs, going back to school, or relocating your attitude toward the possibilities of change will play a key part in how well you transition. Let your beliefs and values guide you and dare to walk in faith.  Whatever change you are facing I encourage you to move forward and look for the lessons to be learned rather than looking back at what you may be leaving behind.  We are meant to grow and change is one of the best ways for you to grow, when you dare to step out of your comfort zone and go into the unknown you open yourself up to experience new and wonderful things.  Don’t allow anxiety and fear to stunt your growth.  Seek wise counsel and do your research but take a leap of faith every now and then it will surely stretch you and you will be amazed at how easily you can adapt to new thing and places.

 

 

Longing for springtime

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

When I was a child I loved snow days. I would wait with anticipation for snow to fall so we could get a day out of school, but now as an adult the fascination of snow days has faded.  This winter has left me with somewhat of a sour taste in my mouth.  Having lived in the south for the past few years I have grown accustomed to mild winters and little if any snow fall.  This year winter is leaving its mark across not only the north but also in the south.  Cabin fever has set in and I am sure I’m not the only one who is ready to get out of the house.  The kids who were so excited to see the snow are growing bored and will not be as excited when they realize that their school days will be extended or even worse the last day of school will be pushed back.  Snow is a beautiful thing in moderation and I for one feel like we have had more than our share for this winter.  Not that my ranting will make any difference and even though many blame it on global warming I know that the mere presence of snow is yet another wonderful example of the beauty of nature. So even as I whine I have to admit that it brings me joy to watch children play in the snow as it reminds me of the innocence of my own childhood.

So for all the parents stuck in the home with kids on these snow days take advantage of this time to reconnect. Get them out the house and make snow angels or a snowman, declare a time for no electronics and pull out the cards or a board game.  For those with older kids or teens, encourage them to get out and help your neighbors by shoveling driveways and/or sidewalks, who knows they may even make a few dollars. And for those of you home without children, if you can take a walk in the snow with your significant other to the store or to check on your neighbors.  Make the most of this time and enjoy the down time because in a day or so things will get back to normal and you will be off to work and the kids will be back in school.  Spring will be here in soon and then we will complain about the pollen, so I will try to enjoy the moment and live, love, and laugh on purpose.

#ItAintOver

A few weeks ago I shared with you all that my son had been struck with a sudden debilitating illness called Transverse Myelitis.  This autoimmune disorder had left him almost completely paralyzed right after Christmas.  Well I am glad to share an update with you that he has been having significant progress, he has regained mobility in his legs and midsection.  He still has a long road ahead of him, but he is able to sit up on his own and he has learned how to eat on his own even though he is unable to open and close his hands.  The past few months have been difficult for him as he has had to come to terms with the possibility of his having some form of impairment in the future.  It has also truly tested his faith and his spirit.  I am so proud of my son and for the #FIGHT he displays every day. Life often throws us curve balls but it is during this trials that we get to truly see what we are made of.  No one plans to have to face a debilitating illness so you have no idea how to handle it before it happens.  I am so proud to see my son handle this very trying situation with grace.  The hospital staff rave over how courteous and cooperative he has been through every phase of his treatment.  He has always been a caring person and has dynamic personality and it is encouraging to see that he has not allowed this to make him bitter or mean.  I am asking you to continue to share his story as the family is preparing for his impending release to outpatient care which will require some home modifications and the continued support of family and friends to care for him.

Justin’s Road To Recovery Continues

Click here to learn more about Transverse Myelitis

A Mothers’ Love Never Ends #ItAintOver

There is nothing more heart wrenching than to have to watch your children when they are hurt, sick, or even get in trouble and there is nothing you can do to fix them or the situation. I woke this morning with a heaviness on my heart as I remembered that it was 6 years ago this same time of year that I was with my then 23 year old daughter when she gave birth to and loss my very first grand-daughter and there was absolutely nothing I could do to help her but be there to cry along with her and show her love.  Well today we are facing yet another family crisis and for the past 2 weeks we have been sitting in the hospital room with my 21 year old son who was 600 miles away from home visiting family for the holidays when he was suddenly struck with a debilitating illness which has left him paralyzed from the chest down and there is nothing I can do to fix him.

Both of my children have had their share of challenges and have been able to successfully survive and overcome them in the past, so I have no doubt that my son will do the same in this situation. But as a mother it kills me to not be able to step in and replace what has been lost or fix the “boo boo”. Today my daughter is happily
married and has two beautiful daughters and her life is flourishing, so she and her husband have been able to survive the tragic loss of their first child.

My son has been living on his own for the past few years and even though he works full time at a restaurant does not have medical or disability benefits.  This sudden illness is not only physically debilitating but also financially due to the fact that he is unable to receive any earnings during this time.

As a mother I would give my life and all that I have for my children unfortunately due to the distance and the fact that the majority of our family are in the city where our son was hospitalized my husband and I had to leave his bedside and return home 600 miles away.  While we are not able to physically be there with him daily during this next phase of his treatment we will be in constant contact with him and his other parents are by his side along with his sister and a host of other family and friends.  Yes his other parents, see my son is not my son by birth, I was blessed with him as my son through marriage (we don’t use the term step parent or step child) when he was 5 years old.  The true blessing in all of this is that over the past 16 years we have been able to break the stigma often associated with blended families. We have the utmost respect and love for one another and not without some trial and error have been able to successfully co-parent our son. So when this tragic event occurred no one is uncomfortable and we have all been able to love one another as we show our son love.

I share all of this this to give you a glimpse into my personal heart break as a mother.  I can only pray for my sons healing at this point and offer emotional support and this is why I am asking you to get in the trenches with us.  We are asking you to pray, offer financial support, and/or give words of encouragement for Justin over the next few months as he continues to undergo treatment and fight his way back. We are believing for total healing and for him to walk out of the hospital on his own volition even though he is unable to move anything below his chest and has limited mobility of his arms and is unable to use his hands today. His spirits are high and he has a positive outlook and is hopeful that he will walk again one day.  I am asking you as a mother to help me help my son in any way you can.  Please visit the link http://gfwd.at/1F0w6ma for updates on his status and to leave words of encouragement or to make a donation.

Justin’s Road to Recovery

Justin 12/25/14

Justin 1/1/15

Life is fleeting and you never know when tragedy will happen. We recently experienced this and are fighting along with our son for his recovery from a sudden illness which has left him with out the use of his lower body and his hands. Please join us in supporting him through your kind words, prayers and financial support. Please take a few minutes to view this link for more information http://gfwd.at/1F0w6ma

 

 

The Face of Depression

       

Recently the world experienced the loss of a great humanitarian and comedian, Robin Williams to depression.  Unfortunately he lost his battle and took his own life.  As sad as this is there are thousands of people who suffer from depression every day.  Depression is a silent but painful disease that haunts those who have it daily.  Robin Williams death shined a light on this misunderstood illness for all to see.  The majority of people think of depression as a period of sadness or the blues.  The truth is that most people feel sad or depressed at times which is a normal reaction to a loss, stress or low self-esteem. The difference between feeling depressed and being depressed is a marked feeling of intense sadness, which includes feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and worthlessness. These feelings tend to last for days or weeks and keep you from functioning normally.

Depression hurts, it not only hurts the person suffering from it but those who are closest to you.  It causes you to isolate yourself and become an inactive participant in life.  Depression is a treatable condition but people have to get over the stigma associated with it and seek help.  Thousands go undiagnosed out of fear of being labeled, but undiagnosed depression can escalate and lead to the use of alcohol or drugs to compensate for the feelings or even can lead to the development of eating disorders or suicide.

You can turn on the television and see animated commercials that talk about some of the popular medications that can help those suffering with depression but they do not give an accurate picture of the face of depression.  Depression can affect anyone, it affects children, teens, successful executives, moms, and grandparents.  Robin Williams showed us that being rich and famous are not enough to keep one from depression.  Any one of us could be the face of depression, if you or someone you know is suffering from feelings of depression talk to someone, seek help from your physician or a psychologist.  Depression is treatable and you can live a full life – it doesn’t have to be the end.

 

 

Enough is Enough

For the past few weeks every time I turn on the television, listen to the radio, or look at any form of social media I am bombarded with images of young black men being gunned down or beaten by those who are supposed to be protecting us. I have heard commentaries that say this is a race issue. Then there are those who say it is simply an issue of the abuse of power by the police. Being an African American woman who has a son in his twenties, a son-in-law in his early thirties, a husband, brother and cousins who are all black males and have all at some point in their life been the victim of racial profiling I do think that race plays apart in this seemingly new attack on the black male. The truth of the matter is that for centuries we as minorities have been the victim of unjust and unfair due process when dealing with the police and judicial system. We as African Americans have faced the unfair practice of having to prove our innocence rather than the legal system having to prove our guilt. All of these things are true, but it is also true that we as a people have sat by for years and watched our young black men kill on another and done little to change this trend. We have failed to raise a generation of young men who respect not only their lives but the lives of others.

This in no way an excuse for the blatant abuse of power that has been demonstrated by local authorities across the nation against men and women of color, but we to acknowledge where we have contributed to the creation of this standard. The truth of the matter is that the culture that we live in depicts the image that “WE” do not value our own lives. Now I am not saying that all African Americans live this way, most of my family and friends actually do value life and do their best to instill solid values in their children, but the culture that we live in today unfortunately continues to portray us as less than desirable. I am in no way excusing the acts of rouge police officers and I believe that each and every one of them who has abused their authority and failed to act in a responsible manner should be held accountable for their actions. But a few bad apples don’t spoil the whole bunch. This applies to police officers the same as it does for our black men. There are some who are less than honorable and who do not seek to serve and protect, there are those who have allowed the images they see to cause them to walk in fear of men of color and assume the worst rather than simply seeing them as men and giving them the benefit of the doubt.

I have never been a police office and I am certain that it is stressful to ride into the unknown every day. Just as it is stressful for a black man to get stopped by a police officer and be fearful of moving suddenly or even asking why they were stopped without being beaten or shot for simply inquiring. I don’t know the answer but I know that something has got to change. We as a people are bigger than this and I have enough faith in mankind to believe that we will find a solution and learn to respect and honor one another.

      

The Challenge

Peer pressure can be very powerful and not only affects adolescents and teens but also affects adults.  We often think of peer pressure as a bad thing but it can also be used as a positive influencer. Recently we have seen how peer pressure has been used to get scores of people to contribute to a cause that I dare say many were completely unaware of and had no idea if it even affects them or their loved ones.  I am speaking of the infamous ALS ice bucket challenge which has gone viral.  The cause is a worthy one and there are thousands who are affected by this disease and this has been a great way to bring awareness to the disease.

I also think this is a great opportunity for us all to stand up and support a cause that is near and dear to us personally. There are hundreds of diseases that affect the population that need funds for research and treatment.  I personally will not be doing the ALS ice bucket challenge but have made financial contributions to ALS in addition to another cause which is dear to me which is Dementia and Alzheimer’s Disease research.

I challenge you to do something whether it is supporting ALS or another cause, get involved and give to something bigger than yourself.  You never know the thing you support today may help you one day.

What is ALS

Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS), often referred to as “Lou Gehrig’s Disease,” is a progressive neurodegenerative disease that affects nerve cells in the brain and the spinal cord. Motor neurons reach from the brain to the spinal cord and from the spinal cord to the muscles throughout the body. The progressive degeneration of the motor neurons in ALS eventually leads to their death.

Who does it affect

60% of the people with ALS are men and 93% of patients are Caucasian. Most people who develop ALS are between the ages of 40 and 70, with an average age of 55 at the time of diagnosis.

To donate to ALS click here

 

What is Dementia

Dementia is a general term for a decline in mental ability severe enough to interfere with daily life. Memory loss is an example. Alzheimer’s is the most common type of dementia.

What is Alzheimer’s Disease

Alzheimer’s is a type of dementia that causes problems with memory, thinking and behavior. Symptoms usually develop slowly and get worse over time, becoming severe enough to interfere with daily tasks

Who does it affect

Dementia and Alzheimer’s can affect any one. It is unlikely that the disease can be traced to a single cause. It is more likely that a combination of factors lead to its development, such as age, sex, heredity, and/or head injury.

To Donate to Dementia & Alzheimer’s

Life’s Rewards

What is it that you really want out of life?

Is it a six figure income with a big house and fancy cars? For many these would be among the first things that come to mind when asked this question. I know it was for me until I had a life changing experience a few years ago. After a series of personal tragedies I woke up one day and realized that what really mattered are my mental, physical, and spiritual health and then my family. No job and no number of possessions could truly make me happy. I have been working a job for over 30 years and in reality I will probably be working in some shape or form for at least another 16 years. I have received accolades from my various employers over the years that merely add up to a bunch of “at a boys”. I have had the opportunity to experience what it is like to have plenty and to barely have enough to make ends meet. The true rewards in life are not fame and riches, and it’s not the things you possess but it is the value of the life that you live. I made a choice to live life. To truly embrace life and to live it to its fullest, my goal in life is no longer to obtain a bigger house or newer car, or even climb the ladder of success.

What do you value in life? Does your life look like what you value or is it just a motto that you tell yourself? If once you evaluate them and find they are out of order do something about it so that you can live a life that will truly bring you peace and pleasure. For me I had to make “ME” my first priority, this included my spiritual, mental, and physical being. For most of my life I had put the needs of everyone and everything before my own needs and I was suffering from a depleted tank. As I began to take care of “ME” I realized that I had more to give to others because I was refreshed.

My second priority is my family; nothing on this earth gives me more pleasure than spending time with the ones I love and being able to be an active participant in their lives.

Third was my vocation, working a job is a necessary evil in order to survive in this world but I made a choice to position myself to do something that gives me a sense of fulfillment rather than just a paycheck. This started with my going back to school to get a degree in an area that will help me walk in my purpose. As Confucius said “Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.”

There are many rewards in life but only you can choose which ones matter to you. You have been blessed with life so live —  do your best to live your life on purpose, laugh daily on purpose, and love those around you on purpose.